Southern New Mexico gets sunshine 358 days a year.  Of the remaining week, rain falls on two days, snow falls on one, and clouds blink away mistiness during the remaining four.  No one knows why the clouds get so moody during those four days. Perhaps it has something to do with their inability to show up on the sunshiny days.

New Mexicans argued fiercely over the use of the logo "Sunshine State." They finally lost out to Floridians.  Strangely, the Floridians didn't argue for "Hurricane State," a logo more descriptive of their weather.  Anyway, in the end New Mexicans decided to adopt an enchanting logo.

It all worked out for the best.  Science has proven that continuous overdoses of sunshine can do really nasty things to the human epidermis.  If you're thinking "alligator skin" you hit the nail right on the head.  If people knew New Mexico as the "Sunshine State" they would immediately think of leather luggage.

Nevertheless, New Mexicans, perhaps a bit more than residents of other states, do concern themselves with the ubiquitous skin condition known as "wrinkles."

Consumers spend millions of dollars each year to remove wrinkles.  Revenues for wrinkle products are growing.  The general population, consisting mostly of baby boomers, is gradually turning prunish.  Residents of New Mexico are no exception.

The result is that accountants for pharmaceutical corporations gleefully anticipate bedtime.  That's when dreams of naked dollar signs writhing sensuously through piles of filthy lucre fill their heads.

I spoke with one of those pharmaceutical accountants the other day.  She assured me that dreams really do come true.  I would like to have chatted longer but sadly she had to rush back to her computer.  Accountants must crunch, churn, and massage data in the innards of a mini-tower Pentium III before it can become "profit."

Do any of those creams, balms, lotions, and "special formula" potions really work?  According to scientific studies some seem to stave off alligator skin, unless used by alligators.  Naturally, some products work better than others, and some don't work at all.  (I checked, but couldn't find a source describing what alligators do about skin problems.  I think they mostly just try to avoid becoming purses and shoes.)

With that in mind, a recent report on wrinkle prevention caught my attention.  A group of researchers conducted a 18-month study of 160 French women.  Why French women were chosen isn't exactly clear, especially si

As nearly everyone knows, certain vitamins have an antioxidant effect.  Antioxidants can reverse the damage caused by exposure to ultraviolet rays in sunshine, the major cause of wrinkles.  Estee Lauder wanted to test the effects of a new vitamin rub.  Researchers would apply it directly to skin areas that most resembled a raisin.

Since sunshine is a major cause of wrinkles, one wonders why those French women weren't flown to the sunny Southern New Mexico for the study.  France receives about 32 inches of moisture a year, some of it as snow.  Compare that with about 6 inches in Southern New Mexico, almost none of it as white fluffy stuff.  Based on the accumulation of moisture in both areas, it's obvious.  We have about five times more sunshine than France.

But the researchers decided to stick with the French.  They divided the women into four groups.  One group took vitamin tablets.  Another group used the Estee Lauder vitamin rub.  The remaining two groups took placebos.  Of these, one group took non-vitamin tablets and the other used a non-vitamin rub.

Researchers found clear winners at the end of the study.  The women who used the Estee Lauder vitamin rub showed a reduction of 23 percent in new wrinkles and an 8 percent reduction in old wrinkles.

I have a theory about why the research was done in France.  The placebo groups must have gotten into a raging snit when they compared their dried apricot hides against the smooth, lustrous epidermis of the vitamin rub group.  (They don't have alligators in France.)  That's why the corporate heads wanted the test done overseas.  Odds against running into an irate group of axe wielding crones are much better if all the crones are on another continent.

In circles where wrinkles have profound importance they are furiously discussing the methods of wrinkle removal.  I have a  personal favorite.  Long ago I noticed that stout people are relatively wrinkle-free.  Simply stated, if you keep adding material to a container of fixed size, something has to stretch.

Stretching the skin removes its wrinkles.  All you have to do is remember that three or four pork chops and a couple of extra helpings of fried potatoes will remove any wrinkle - assuming the wrinkle is caught early enough.

So, you say you have objections to the pork chop method of wrinkle removal?  You don't like pork?  Well, rest easy.  Veal cutlets and fried potatoes have the same effect.

In the end, what one does about wrinkles is mostly a matter of personal choice and bank book balance.  Unless you live in France and agree to help Estee Lauder.