Mogollon News — Winter


It is winter in Mogollon, and in winter it becomes readily apparent why Mogollon is a ghost town.

At last measurement, the snow on the shady side of the street was eighteen feet deep. This measurement was taken by having Joe Malloney, who is six feet tall, stand with a surveyor’s stick on his head. Unfortunately, Joe froze stiff, and while the local rescue crew was digging him out, the surveyor’s stick got lost in the snow. It is probably deeper by now, though no further measurements have been attempted.

You will be relieved to learn, however, that Joe froze so quickly he didn’t have time to suffocate. So he was carried down to the Bloated Goat where, with liberal ministrations by Drs. Jim Beam and José Cuervo, he is recovering rapidly.

The Bloated Goat Saloon opened for business as usual at 10:00 AM on the Monday after Thanksgiving. Whiskey is six dollars a shot. Tourists are recommended to bring their own firearms as rentals go fast, especially when the weather keeps everyone in. A round on the house will be provided to anyone who brings up some new bar stools or tables as there is a severe shortage of furniture since the big blizzard the week before Christmas.

On the sunny slope, in the meantime, daffodils and grape hyacinths are blooming again, and the first crop of salad greens is almost ready for harvest. Several attempts have been made to erect a greenhouse so tropical fruit could be grown, but falling boulders have always shattered the glass thus far.

The road is usually plowed after storms in time for the mail to come in. However, anyone wishing to visit Mogollon should be warned that it gets muddy on warm days. Four wheel drive is not advised as it only digs a hole faster, and the helicopter costs to pull out the extra weight are that much greater as well. In fact, one Jeep Cherokee disappeared altogether. The passengers only just managed to escape by smashing the windshield. They all have required a very expensive course of therapy (which can usually be provided in the back room of the Bloated Goat).

Anyone wishing to visit Mogollon should be advised that the best time to arrive is between dawn and sunrise. Since the road is only passable when frozen and impossible to negotiate after dark, anyone still in Mogollon after 8 AM should plan to be here at least twenty-four hours.

Accommodations are generally available without reservations if you don’t mind sharing your quarters with the bears. However, there is no food service in town this winter. So you should bring plenty in case the weather closes in. Four thousand calories per person per day is usually adequate even when it is very cold. But bring extra as the bears will probably want a share.

Read more samples from the Mogollon News

The Silver Creek Temperance Society
The Balloon
Halley’s Comet
The Libyan Invasion
A Case of Religion

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